My Minds Sputters and It Spits Out This....

Reflecting on a conversation I had with my mom, I realized that I needed to pray for her and a lot of other women including myself. We were discussing my past relationships and the things that happened in them. I started to explain to her that I did a lot and still continue to do a lot for those people because I care about them. She thinks that it is the job of the man in the relationship to take care of everything. This is where we tend to disagree. I am in school and most guys that I date are finishing their degrees as well. Because I am a woman that I am takes care of myself and for those who have to do the same, I don't expect to go to the most expensive places on dates or get 300 worth of gifts on any occasion. However, there are plenty of things that can be done that are not expensive but take more effort on the part of the male to find. I say that to say this...I'm not very hard to please when it comes to going out. I like to do different things and having fun is one of them. Just taking the time to have a picnic in a park or to randomly go skating and or enjoy a night of jazz..Perfect. The movies and chilling is all well and fine but as I get older I realize that I can watch movies by myself and laying in my bed watching TV is what I do best.
It is not a bad thing to want a guy to come up with some inexpensive random date to take you on where you have fun and enjoy each other. It is not a bad thing for a female to do the that either but when it is the female coming up with every idea..it becomes a problem. Be creative and get to know the person you are with and it won’t be hard. I feel like planning to go on dates should not always be job of the woman. How cool is it just to get a call that says…”Get dressed..I’ll be there in a hour to pick u up and where something nice!” I’m not saying I need that all the time but if it only comes on birthdays and Valentine’s day…that’s kinda bad

After explaining all this to my mother she said to me the words that made me step back and look at my life in relationships....YOU HAVE TO SETTLE!! YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MAN THAT WANTS TO DO ALL THAT NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE!!.

That is terrible. I feel bad for women who are forced to think that way. So many of us stick around and try to save our relationships based on the fact that we think that we are going to change guys or that we are scared to try and redo all the work we put into the relationship and didn't get back. This is where we go wrong. NO man can be changed if he wants to be that way. The two beings that can make a man be a man are his two fathers..Daddy and God of course. You can't teach him to be any stronger than you are if he doesn't know how to be. Don't try. It is our jobs as women to be the backbone behind the man not to BE them.

If you are in a position where you have to keeping asking the same thing from him, STOP. You shouldn’t have to ask to him taken to certain places, or to be called once in awhile just to talk, or to be respected even when you are not around each other. If a man TRULY loves you then he will have no problem calling before he goes to sleep. Why? Because he wants to put his mind as ease and outside of praying and talking to his Mom, nothing calms him more than the sound of your voice. He will want to buy you that perfect dress for the summer. Why? Because he knows you and no matter what your style is, he is going to make sure that you look good so you can walk into a room a light it up and he can smile because he knows he made you do the same. He won't have a problem telling you anything. Why? Because he shares his life with you. You are his best friend, his partner and again outside of talking to the man upstairs and the woman who made him, who else would he want to tell his problems.
I know that most, if not all of us, won't have this until we are ready to settle down and get married. We are all young and doing our thing having fun so it's not even on the minds of many. But still, in doing so ladies and gentleman just be sure to understand the person that you are "chilling" with. Many women in my position have made the mistake of taking whatever because he is cute and maybe a little different than what you used to know. If we were all thinking correctly, we would know that we won't have to look, fuss or fight with our significant other because you will understand one another. You will be willing to except all flaws and work out all problems because you will both know that you are worth it.

I digress.. I know but I guess my point is this, have fun and make sure that when you decide to get a "Man" that he is for you. If you have any doubts or questions ask God. Don't ignore the signs that he shows you in the beginning because you want to have someone. If he wants you he will let it be known and have no problems about it. Be upfront about what you want. If your idea of a good time is going to a Broadway play once a month and eating sushi every other Sunday then say so. If he wants to keep you happy then he will make it work because he knows it will be well worth to have your love and see you smile. Don't be scared to be alone...God wants us to take the time to be single so that we can grow in him and find out who we need to be as women. Don’t' be afraid to step out on faith either. Believe that everyone has some sort of purpose in your life so if you are dating take it slow and find out what his is. If he has no purpose..Let him go. Know that when God has sent you your other half to you..You will know it.
I am in no way an expert on relationships and I have flaws of my own to work on. So I am not sure if I am really talking to myself or delivering a message that has been on my heart. I just hope that everyone has happiness in whomever it is they choose to be with...

DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. YOU CAN'T BE LOVED BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE THEMSELVES...OR GOD.

PEACE
Reese