So it has been quite sometime since I splashed a little of my heart on these cyber pagers. I think it may be because I have been learning growing, experiencing so much life that I have found many ways to document it. What other day than today to start back at this , harnessing my skills through this purge of excess. A little update, I have graduated, matured and I know sit pouring my love through this keyboard from a little room in a house of a beautiful French city. Never thought in my life that I would make it here..or that I would have the experiences that I am having. But then again I have never been so close..so connected with God as I am now. Never looked at my problems and laughed because they didn't know what my God could do.
Now on this day of celebrating Jesus I can do nothing but sit and meditate on my life and how wonderful it is and has been. I try not to complain but I'm human and I sometimes forget about these things and dwell on the negative. This time is different though. This time I need to stand on top of this mountain and shout out my blessings for I am even forgetting myself at times. I stand at the beginning of this road ready and willing to go through it. I have been heart broken before yes but this time it's a little different. As a girl I believed that the key to my happiness lied in another person. As a woman I know the key to my happiness is in me and the only way I can find it is by asking God where it is. I struggle with this because I have so often looked into others before I looked into myself to give love to. Poured my love out into people while my body suffered and cried out to my deaf ears. This time is different. What seemed to be happily ever after just turned into a one sided story sordid with little white lies and large colorful insignificant truths. I tried to make myself believe that it was for one reason or another but it wasn't for any reason at all. Love is not a reason or an excuse as to why you should pursue or fight the inevitable. It is the reason why you shouldn't have to. Had I learned this before I tried to love I would have been less than tolerable to the things that were masked as love only to be wiped clean and exposed of as less than that.
So I stand here..with my soul empty hungry for what God is going to teach me, how he is going to fill me. I'm so anxious to be the woman that I am being called to be I could burst with expectations. Before I get to that place, I must go through this. I must push until I can't push anymore. I know it's not going to be easy and there are going to be nights when I am tempted to call and express my feelings of uncertainty. In those times, I will remember when the times before when I did such things and they turned out to be nothing but emotionally filled conversations that literally stop when the phone hangs up. I thank God for those days to remind me that I am destined to be someone divinely favored in such a way that my love for Him will reach out and touch even you who stole what I had to give.
So those pieces of me you have..you can keep. I want you to hold them for me so when I come back and you try to speak to that girl you knew, I can be reminded of what I knew and tap into what I know. If He brought me to it..He will bring me through it this I am certain of.
Peace Reese...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Friday, October 9, 2009
Thoughts of Insanity..craziness..and maybe a little truth...
I once heard someone describe love as a type of insanity. At the moment I am trying to decide if I'm straight jacket nuts, joker from Dark Night crazy, or Girl Interrupted insane.
This process is much like getting prepared for war, perhaps with you and love itself. I believe with the things I have done in my love life I am made to be a soldier for man. I have spent the last four years of my life taking care of boys..turning them into men or putting them on the path to greatness. This may mean that that God has chosen me to do these things or that maybe at the time of those relationships I was meant to push and not be pushed. I have sparked ambitions, opened doors, and written the closing chapters of books dusted off the shelf of life. However, my book remains untouched by man. I guess it is this way because in the past I have tried to erase and write over things in a different color instead of closing a chapter and rereading it. I think that we all have this problem at times. Think about the fact that many of the relationships we are in start and end the same way. It may be because we refuse to recognize the flags of our former mistakes. To often we focus on what the other person did wrong when if you don't plan on being with them..why focus there? The focus is never on ourselves and if it is..it is often positive reinforcement. We get into this mindset that we are either perfect or close to it. For others it may be negative.."what's wrong with me? or why does it never work?" What we fail to realize is that the focus should neither be positive nor negative but reflective.
What I should be have been doing is letting God write my book and reading just to pick up the main points of my steps. Praying to ask for guidance, talking to Him to find out what this phrase means or that. If I had done this then maybe my book would be filled with marks of intelligence that I could use to strengthen my wisdom. The problem that I have now is that I am looking back at things and rereading what I have written. I kinda suck..lol. At least my beginnings. I shall write again starting from this point where I am trusting in Him to send me someone writing a similar book...starting with I guess where it all begins.
One of the definitions of insanity is "such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship." Is it just me or does this define the bulk of getting to know someone? I mean we sit around looking at Facebook or Myspace or any other website that describes who we may want to be with. Don't forget the obvious calling and texting game..do I call..what time is the best to send a text message? Whatever happened to just genuinely being interested in someone? I don't want there to be a title or any expectations but just a general interest in getting to know me. In my mind this would eliminate the chess game of love. If I want to know something, I'll ask you. If I called you yesterday and you haven't called today, that doesn't take away from the fact that I still want to have a conversation with you. I can call just to say what's up. There shouldn't be be a problem with a man or woman simply saying I like you but I'm not really attracted to you in that way.
Insanity indeed...
I would rather just pour my energy into writing my book...with His help. In the future I plan to make mistakes and fix them..keeping in mind that they were mistakes for a reason. At the moment I am checking my phone..waiting on that text message. Not true insanity...just hope. I'm trying not to lose faith in my ability to love. I will start by strengthening my faith in God. I once wrote a random poetic line and sent it to my friends before a conversation with someone I thought loved me....
"I want to throw my heart up out of chest and leave it on the ground..beating until its last thump starts the undertone to the last song played at the funeral for my belief in my ability to love"
After I talked to him I could have taken this and let it become the statement in which drives how I plan to live my life. I cannot because He made me to love for a reason and if I am not allowing myself to be open to heartbreak, how can I ever be open to true love. So maybe he doesn't love me and maybe he never has. But I know who does. That is what keeps me writing...
I'll strap on my straight jack and slowly join the crowd..I'll start with and continue loving me.. and loving Him in me... =)
Peace Reese
This process is much like getting prepared for war, perhaps with you and love itself. I believe with the things I have done in my love life I am made to be a soldier for man. I have spent the last four years of my life taking care of boys..turning them into men or putting them on the path to greatness. This may mean that that God has chosen me to do these things or that maybe at the time of those relationships I was meant to push and not be pushed. I have sparked ambitions, opened doors, and written the closing chapters of books dusted off the shelf of life. However, my book remains untouched by man. I guess it is this way because in the past I have tried to erase and write over things in a different color instead of closing a chapter and rereading it. I think that we all have this problem at times. Think about the fact that many of the relationships we are in start and end the same way. It may be because we refuse to recognize the flags of our former mistakes. To often we focus on what the other person did wrong when if you don't plan on being with them..why focus there? The focus is never on ourselves and if it is..it is often positive reinforcement. We get into this mindset that we are either perfect or close to it. For others it may be negative.."what's wrong with me? or why does it never work?" What we fail to realize is that the focus should neither be positive nor negative but reflective.
What I should be have been doing is letting God write my book and reading just to pick up the main points of my steps. Praying to ask for guidance, talking to Him to find out what this phrase means or that. If I had done this then maybe my book would be filled with marks of intelligence that I could use to strengthen my wisdom. The problem that I have now is that I am looking back at things and rereading what I have written. I kinda suck..lol. At least my beginnings. I shall write again starting from this point where I am trusting in Him to send me someone writing a similar book...starting with I guess where it all begins.
One of the definitions of insanity is "such unsoundness of mind or lack of understanding as prevents one from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship." Is it just me or does this define the bulk of getting to know someone? I mean we sit around looking at Facebook or Myspace or any other website that describes who we may want to be with. Don't forget the obvious calling and texting game..do I call..what time is the best to send a text message? Whatever happened to just genuinely being interested in someone? I don't want there to be a title or any expectations but just a general interest in getting to know me. In my mind this would eliminate the chess game of love. If I want to know something, I'll ask you. If I called you yesterday and you haven't called today, that doesn't take away from the fact that I still want to have a conversation with you. I can call just to say what's up. There shouldn't be be a problem with a man or woman simply saying I like you but I'm not really attracted to you in that way.
Insanity indeed...
I would rather just pour my energy into writing my book...with His help. In the future I plan to make mistakes and fix them..keeping in mind that they were mistakes for a reason. At the moment I am checking my phone..waiting on that text message. Not true insanity...just hope. I'm trying not to lose faith in my ability to love. I will start by strengthening my faith in God. I once wrote a random poetic line and sent it to my friends before a conversation with someone I thought loved me....
"I want to throw my heart up out of chest and leave it on the ground..beating until its last thump starts the undertone to the last song played at the funeral for my belief in my ability to love"
After I talked to him I could have taken this and let it become the statement in which drives how I plan to live my life. I cannot because He made me to love for a reason and if I am not allowing myself to be open to heartbreak, how can I ever be open to true love. So maybe he doesn't love me and maybe he never has. But I know who does. That is what keeps me writing...
I'll strap on my straight jack and slowly join the crowd..I'll start with and continue loving me.. and loving Him in me... =)
Peace Reese
Friday, June 26, 2009
My Minds Sputters and It Spits Out This....
Reflecting on a conversation I had with my mom, I realized that I needed to pray for her and a lot of other women including myself. We were discussing my past relationships and the things that happened in them. I started to explain to her that I did a lot and still continue to do a lot for those people because I care about them. She thinks that it is the job of the man in the relationship to take care of everything. This is where we tend to disagree. I am in school and most guys that I date are finishing their degrees as well. Because I am a woman that I am takes care of myself and for those who have to do the same, I don't expect to go to the most expensive places on dates or get 300 worth of gifts on any occasion. However, there are plenty of things that can be done that are not expensive but take more effort on the part of the male to find. I say that to say this...I'm not very hard to please when it comes to going out. I like to do different things and having fun is one of them. Just taking the time to have a picnic in a park or to randomly go skating and or enjoy a night of jazz..Perfect. The movies and chilling is all well and fine but as I get older I realize that I can watch movies by myself and laying in my bed watching TV is what I do best.
It is not a bad thing to want a guy to come up with some inexpensive random date to take you on where you have fun and enjoy each other. It is not a bad thing for a female to do the that either but when it is the female coming up with every idea..it becomes a problem. Be creative and get to know the person you are with and it won’t be hard. I feel like planning to go on dates should not always be job of the woman. How cool is it just to get a call that says…”Get dressed..I’ll be there in a hour to pick u up and where something nice!” I’m not saying I need that all the time but if it only comes on birthdays and Valentine’s day…that’s kinda bad
After explaining all this to my mother she said to me the words that made me step back and look at my life in relationships....YOU HAVE TO SETTLE!! YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MAN THAT WANTS TO DO ALL THAT NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE!!.
That is terrible. I feel bad for women who are forced to think that way. So many of us stick around and try to save our relationships based on the fact that we think that we are going to change guys or that we are scared to try and redo all the work we put into the relationship and didn't get back. This is where we go wrong. NO man can be changed if he wants to be that way. The two beings that can make a man be a man are his two fathers..Daddy and God of course. You can't teach him to be any stronger than you are if he doesn't know how to be. Don't try. It is our jobs as women to be the backbone behind the man not to BE them.
If you are in a position where you have to keeping asking the same thing from him, STOP. You shouldn’t have to ask to him taken to certain places, or to be called once in awhile just to talk, or to be respected even when you are not around each other. If a man TRULY loves you then he will have no problem calling before he goes to sleep. Why? Because he wants to put his mind as ease and outside of praying and talking to his Mom, nothing calms him more than the sound of your voice. He will want to buy you that perfect dress for the summer. Why? Because he knows you and no matter what your style is, he is going to make sure that you look good so you can walk into a room a light it up and he can smile because he knows he made you do the same. He won't have a problem telling you anything. Why? Because he shares his life with you. You are his best friend, his partner and again outside of talking to the man upstairs and the woman who made him, who else would he want to tell his problems.
I know that most, if not all of us, won't have this until we are ready to settle down and get married. We are all young and doing our thing having fun so it's not even on the minds of many. But still, in doing so ladies and gentleman just be sure to understand the person that you are "chilling" with. Many women in my position have made the mistake of taking whatever because he is cute and maybe a little different than what you used to know. If we were all thinking correctly, we would know that we won't have to look, fuss or fight with our significant other because you will understand one another. You will be willing to except all flaws and work out all problems because you will both know that you are worth it.
I digress.. I know but I guess my point is this, have fun and make sure that when you decide to get a "Man" that he is for you. If you have any doubts or questions ask God. Don't ignore the signs that he shows you in the beginning because you want to have someone. If he wants you he will let it be known and have no problems about it. Be upfront about what you want. If your idea of a good time is going to a Broadway play once a month and eating sushi every other Sunday then say so. If he wants to keep you happy then he will make it work because he knows it will be well worth to have your love and see you smile. Don't be scared to be alone...God wants us to take the time to be single so that we can grow in him and find out who we need to be as women. Don’t' be afraid to step out on faith either. Believe that everyone has some sort of purpose in your life so if you are dating take it slow and find out what his is. If he has no purpose..Let him go. Know that when God has sent you your other half to you..You will know it.
I am in no way an expert on relationships and I have flaws of my own to work on. So I am not sure if I am really talking to myself or delivering a message that has been on my heart. I just hope that everyone has happiness in whomever it is they choose to be with...
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. YOU CAN'T BE LOVED BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE THEMSELVES...OR GOD.
PEACE
Reese
It is not a bad thing to want a guy to come up with some inexpensive random date to take you on where you have fun and enjoy each other. It is not a bad thing for a female to do the that either but when it is the female coming up with every idea..it becomes a problem. Be creative and get to know the person you are with and it won’t be hard. I feel like planning to go on dates should not always be job of the woman. How cool is it just to get a call that says…”Get dressed..I’ll be there in a hour to pick u up and where something nice!” I’m not saying I need that all the time but if it only comes on birthdays and Valentine’s day…that’s kinda bad
After explaining all this to my mother she said to me the words that made me step back and look at my life in relationships....YOU HAVE TO SETTLE!! YOU WILL NEVER FIND A MAN THAT WANTS TO DO ALL THAT NO MATTER HOW OLD THEY ARE!!.
That is terrible. I feel bad for women who are forced to think that way. So many of us stick around and try to save our relationships based on the fact that we think that we are going to change guys or that we are scared to try and redo all the work we put into the relationship and didn't get back. This is where we go wrong. NO man can be changed if he wants to be that way. The two beings that can make a man be a man are his two fathers..Daddy and God of course. You can't teach him to be any stronger than you are if he doesn't know how to be. Don't try. It is our jobs as women to be the backbone behind the man not to BE them.
If you are in a position where you have to keeping asking the same thing from him, STOP. You shouldn’t have to ask to him taken to certain places, or to be called once in awhile just to talk, or to be respected even when you are not around each other. If a man TRULY loves you then he will have no problem calling before he goes to sleep. Why? Because he wants to put his mind as ease and outside of praying and talking to his Mom, nothing calms him more than the sound of your voice. He will want to buy you that perfect dress for the summer. Why? Because he knows you and no matter what your style is, he is going to make sure that you look good so you can walk into a room a light it up and he can smile because he knows he made you do the same. He won't have a problem telling you anything. Why? Because he shares his life with you. You are his best friend, his partner and again outside of talking to the man upstairs and the woman who made him, who else would he want to tell his problems.
I know that most, if not all of us, won't have this until we are ready to settle down and get married. We are all young and doing our thing having fun so it's not even on the minds of many. But still, in doing so ladies and gentleman just be sure to understand the person that you are "chilling" with. Many women in my position have made the mistake of taking whatever because he is cute and maybe a little different than what you used to know. If we were all thinking correctly, we would know that we won't have to look, fuss or fight with our significant other because you will understand one another. You will be willing to except all flaws and work out all problems because you will both know that you are worth it.
I digress.. I know but I guess my point is this, have fun and make sure that when you decide to get a "Man" that he is for you. If you have any doubts or questions ask God. Don't ignore the signs that he shows you in the beginning because you want to have someone. If he wants you he will let it be known and have no problems about it. Be upfront about what you want. If your idea of a good time is going to a Broadway play once a month and eating sushi every other Sunday then say so. If he wants to keep you happy then he will make it work because he knows it will be well worth to have your love and see you smile. Don't be scared to be alone...God wants us to take the time to be single so that we can grow in him and find out who we need to be as women. Don’t' be afraid to step out on faith either. Believe that everyone has some sort of purpose in your life so if you are dating take it slow and find out what his is. If he has no purpose..Let him go. Know that when God has sent you your other half to you..You will know it.
I am in no way an expert on relationships and I have flaws of my own to work on. So I am not sure if I am really talking to myself or delivering a message that has been on my heart. I just hope that everyone has happiness in whomever it is they choose to be with...
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE. YOU CAN'T BE LOVED BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE THEMSELVES...OR GOD.
PEACE
Reese
Sunday, March 8, 2009
The Role of a Lifetime
As I sit here reading my bible, trying to understand what the Lord has in store for me I find myself looking into my life and wondering where it is headed. I often wonder why things are not the way I want them to be or why I can't get what I want. It has taken me soo long to figure out that God has planned out everything in my life and I am just living it out. It's wierd because I watched the movie Eagle Eye and I have to say that the writer is either A. very much against the government or B. very religious. The way I see it the main characters were doing what we do are supposed to do in everyday life. Though the voice was not that of God's, essentially we are supposed to consult with him and follow his orders every step of the way no matter what. Now our consequences are not as dire as those in the film but we do bump our heads and fall a lot more than we are supposed to when we don't let God work in our lives. I have started on a path of understanding and trust that the Lord will build me up to be who He wants me to be. I am no where near perfect, but I am working towards finding inner peace and trusting only in what He wants me to do. I guess I have never really been built for patience or waiting on anything. I have always been forced to take care of things on my own. This could quite possibly be because I have never really had many people to depend on and even now the people that I try to depend on always seem to let me down in some way. So I am trying new things, leaning on God and myself for the moment until someone proves to me that he/she can be as reliable as Him.
I have been holding on these past couple of months waiting on people to make decisions for me. Getting upset when I don't get my way and when people make choices without trying to understand where I fall in the picture. That was my mistake. Waiting on people to answer questons for me that I should have known the answers to. My life could have been a lot easier if I had just left it up to Him. Well we all live and learn don't we? I have found that in meeting new people, and opening up new friendships that sometimes it is OK just to start over. I am there, at the beginning, the starting line, right before the credits are rolled. I am remaking my movie called life and its costars and technical crew will be replaced. The Lord is my writer, director, producer, cast director, all of the above. He will guide me in choosing my cast of friends, my scenes..where I work,play, and worship. And of course He will bring me the other leading part because, yes ladies and gentleman this is also a love story. When He does we will share such chemistry that new categories will have to made so that we can win the Oscars for best...us. Watch the headlines, the previews and the promos because this film starring me..will bring happiness to your heart, tears to your eyes...and most of all....Peace to your soul. And of course mine.
Peace...Reese
I have been holding on these past couple of months waiting on people to make decisions for me. Getting upset when I don't get my way and when people make choices without trying to understand where I fall in the picture. That was my mistake. Waiting on people to answer questons for me that I should have known the answers to. My life could have been a lot easier if I had just left it up to Him. Well we all live and learn don't we? I have found that in meeting new people, and opening up new friendships that sometimes it is OK just to start over. I am there, at the beginning, the starting line, right before the credits are rolled. I am remaking my movie called life and its costars and technical crew will be replaced. The Lord is my writer, director, producer, cast director, all of the above. He will guide me in choosing my cast of friends, my scenes..where I work,play, and worship. And of course He will bring me the other leading part because, yes ladies and gentleman this is also a love story. When He does we will share such chemistry that new categories will have to made so that we can win the Oscars for best...us. Watch the headlines, the previews and the promos because this film starring me..will bring happiness to your heart, tears to your eyes...and most of all....Peace to your soul. And of course mine.
Peace...Reese
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Beautiful Struggle..
Sooo I'm waiting..some may say I'm waiting to exhale. I would say that I am just waiting to breathe again. I'm in this situations that requires me to wait on my somewhat significant other and I often find myself trying to figure out why I am doing such a thing. He wants me to have faith...in what exactly? I believe that if I had been able to have faith in other things...for example my family and friends for that matter, maybe it would be easier for me to deal with this situation. Call me an independent women or whatever but I do everything for myself, rarely asking anyone for help. If you know me, you know how hard it is for me to do such a thing so imagine my surprise when I was asked to just be patient. Is it just me or aren't couples supposed to work on things together? When you have problems the key is to talk them out and deal with them. Now I am stuck. Trying to figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing. I have been here, the woman behind the man, even though we are not together. I have been doing everything that I would be doing if we were in a relationship. I know how silly of me. I was just trying to do what I thought was the right thing. However I had an epiphany last night. It was Valentines Day and all I wanted to do was chill with the person I am supposed to be with. Instead, he was doing something else, which was very important to him so I was cool. I had something to do as well so it was cool. What do you do when you have put all that you have into someone just to get nothing in return? I mean would you not get pissed if you put 100 dollars into the bank and went back to get it and they gave you 20 back? Of course you would be pissed. Well here I am....80 dollars short.
The issue I have with the this is that aside from the fact that he is acting brand new right now, he is such a great person. When everything is cool..he does the sweetest things and makes sure that I am taken care of. He has been the person I looked to for the last year whenever I needed something and he has had my back before. Sooo what happened? Who knows...I surely do not. He has mixed up his priorities and now I am supposed to wait until he gets them back in order. I am on a mission right now to be one of the best in whatever it is that I do. I can't and I won't let this get me down. I don't believe it is in God's plan to be sitting at home doing nothing. What I am going to do is focus on getting my future in order. My education, my job, and my relationship with God will grow and strengthen.
A little advice for myself...I am talking to me just in case I EVER even think about being in another relationship.
When I have truly learned how to deal with things like this I will be that much greater. Unfortunately I have shut off the "give" valve on my heart. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry to say this but I really don't want to do this again. Ever. I'm sick and tired of not being treated like I am worth someone giving a damn. I hope in this race to the top I don't miss out on God sending me my husband because I won't give anyone a chance. I will pray patience with myself and with my situation. Until then, on the grind I will be and on the grind I will stay.
Peace Reese
The issue I have with the this is that aside from the fact that he is acting brand new right now, he is such a great person. When everything is cool..he does the sweetest things and makes sure that I am taken care of. He has been the person I looked to for the last year whenever I needed something and he has had my back before. Sooo what happened? Who knows...I surely do not. He has mixed up his priorities and now I am supposed to wait until he gets them back in order. I am on a mission right now to be one of the best in whatever it is that I do. I can't and I won't let this get me down. I don't believe it is in God's plan to be sitting at home doing nothing. What I am going to do is focus on getting my future in order. My education, my job, and my relationship with God will grow and strengthen.
A little advice for myself...I am talking to me just in case I EVER even think about being in another relationship.
- Take time to get to know the real you in a relationship.
- Stop putting so much into other people. You deserve to have as much as you give.
- Never take anything you know you don't deserve. You don't have to stay in a relationship because you think its the right thing to do. Sometimes you are supposed to leave.
- Learn when to let go. It's not your job to hold on to what does not want to be kept. If he does not know how to fight to get you then he does not deserve to be in your presence.
- Keep GOD first.Call on him before you call on anybody else. He always has the answers and he will give them to you if you are willing to listen. When it is time for you to fall in love he will let you know. He is the only one who knows. Make sure you have his consent before you pursue ANYTHING. Without his guidance you will be lost.. And being lost is painful.
- Don't let the past dictate your future. Just because someone has not realised who you are does not mean you don't know. If you carry the hurt from your past relationships into the future you will never truly be happy.
- And last but not least...Know that you are a beautiful, strong, courageous, black women who God has put on this earth to do his work and fulfill what he wants you to do. Never let anybody make you fell inadequate or less than that. Always know that you are not perfect and making mistakes is how you learn but the fact that you learn from them is the most important thing.
When I have truly learned how to deal with things like this I will be that much greater. Unfortunately I have shut off the "give" valve on my heart. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry to say this but I really don't want to do this again. Ever. I'm sick and tired of not being treated like I am worth someone giving a damn. I hope in this race to the top I don't miss out on God sending me my husband because I won't give anyone a chance. I will pray patience with myself and with my situation. Until then, on the grind I will be and on the grind I will stay.
Peace Reese
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Breaking News
Yesterday was quite possibly the longest day of my life. 9 hours working for people for free. I never thought that I would be working as hard as I was for absolutely no money at all. I intern at a local TV station and yesterday there was a moment when I realized if I had chosen another profession, I probably would have been terribly miserable. The fast pace of the newsroom mimics my life on the daily bases yet there is something about being part of a place where people come to watch things going on around them that makes you fell like your doing what you are supposed to be doing. I helped to put a story together that eventually went on the air just by listening and paying attention to what I was being taught. I can't say that I don't get bored and/or feel like I am wasting my life away but at those times I ask questions or play with editing programs in order to learn more about my profession. I'm there to learn more about being in news but I find myself learning more about...myself. I have always had this attitude that showed whenever I walked into a room. My confidence once poured out of my skin into the air and lingered for others to catch on to it. I have not completely abandoned this attitude but simply tucked it away for a while. I have been forced to humble myself and ask questions rather than act like I know exactly whats going to go on. This might be because I kinda don't know what's going on. Occasionally I might run into a problem where a person calls me intern instead of my name or wants me make unnecessary phone calls but, I get past those tasks in order to move on to something new. I absolutely HATE busy work. I'm not there to answer your phone and get your coffee. I'm there so you can teach me how I can graduate and take your job. At times I wanna shout this will throwing coffee on the stack of letters I just opened but, I restrain myself. If I have to go through a thousand cups of coffee to get my first on air job then I'll bring my own cream and sugar to add. This kinda of thinking is what I believe is going to allow me to bring home my first Emmy before I turn 30. I'm praying that when I finally get there I will remember these days and when my intern finally comes to me and asks me if I want anything...I'll say screw the coffee...I want a cup of Tea..
Peace Reese
Peace Reese
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I Wrote A Poem..You Wanna Hear It...Here It Goes..
Concaved Reality
Pressure
The living, breathing mass that consumes every fiber of my being
Blessed am I to walk this earth so freely
Cursed am I step these steps so heavily
As I pack the bag to my ritual awakening I notice something missing
Phone
Keys
Wallet
I stole that from a poet
Purse
Books
Planner
There was something here I know it
Looking for what seems to be an eternity
I turn to me and see a black hole
You can’t see it but I can
That hole was once my soul
I lost it somewhere between the house and the institution
It left me for another life
Waved goodbye to my heart
Au revoir to my mind, who are so wrapped around each other and others they dare not notice
So sad and blue, I’m midnight black
Can’t blame you, can’t turn my existence back
My Heart
It feeds on A+ papers from a B+ mind
It hungers for a life that’s blind…to time
Oblivious to slow and saying the word “no”
To nothing..Not me..I gotta go
My hollow body runs along the lines of my life
It leaps over the pleasure and dives into the chaos that is…
Pressure
Phone
Keys
Wallet
I stole that from a poet
Purse
Books
Planner
It will return soon I know it
Found it
After what was an eternity
I see a black hole
You can’t see it but I can
That hole that was once my soul,
Is now filled with Him
Pressure
The living, breathing mass that consumes every fiber of my being
Blessed am I to walk this earth so freely
Cursed am I step these steps so heavily
As I pack the bag to my ritual awakening I notice something missing
Phone
Keys
Wallet
I stole that from a poet
Purse
Books
Planner
There was something here I know it
Looking for what seems to be an eternity
I turn to me and see a black hole
You can’t see it but I can
That hole was once my soul
I lost it somewhere between the house and the institution
It left me for another life
Waved goodbye to my heart
Au revoir to my mind, who are so wrapped around each other and others they dare not notice
So sad and blue, I’m midnight black
Can’t blame you, can’t turn my existence back
My Heart
It feeds on A+ papers from a B+ mind
It hungers for a life that’s blind…to time
Oblivious to slow and saying the word “no”
To nothing..Not me..I gotta go
My hollow body runs along the lines of my life
It leaps over the pleasure and dives into the chaos that is…
Pressure
Phone
Keys
Wallet
I stole that from a poet
Purse
Books
Planner
It will return soon I know it
Found it
After what was an eternity
I see a black hole
You can’t see it but I can
That hole that was once my soul,
Is now filled with Him
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