I Packed up Paques..and spread it around...

So it has been quite sometime since I splashed a little of my heart on these cyber pagers. I think it may be because I have been learning growing, experiencing so much life that I have found many ways to document it. What other day than today to start back at this , harnessing my skills through this purge of excess. A little update, I have graduated, matured and I know sit pouring my love through this keyboard from a little room in a house of a beautiful French city. Never thought in my life that I would make it here..or that I would have the experiences that I am having. But then again I have never been so close..so connected with God as I am now. Never looked at my problems and laughed because they didn't know what my God could do.

Now on this day of celebrating Jesus I can do nothing but sit and meditate on my life and how wonderful it is and has been. I try not to complain but I'm human and I sometimes forget about these things and dwell on the negative. This time is different though. This time I need to stand on top of this mountain and shout out my blessings for I am even forgetting myself at times. I stand at the beginning of this road ready and willing to go through it. I have been heart broken before yes but this time it's a little different. As a girl I believed that the key to my happiness lied in another person. As a woman I know the key to my happiness is in me and the only way I can find it is by asking God where it is. I struggle with this because I have so often looked into others before I looked into myself to give love to. Poured my love out into people while my body suffered and cried out to my deaf ears. This time is different. What seemed to be happily ever after just turned into a one sided story sordid with little white lies and large colorful insignificant truths. I tried to make myself believe that it was for one reason or another but it wasn't for any reason at all. Love is not a reason or an excuse as to why you should pursue or fight the inevitable. It is the reason why you shouldn't have to. Had I learned this before I tried to love I would have been less than tolerable to the things that were masked as love only to be wiped clean and exposed of as less than that.

So I stand here..with my soul empty hungry for what God is going to teach me, how he is going to fill me. I'm so anxious to be the woman that I am being called to be I could burst with expectations. Before I get to that place, I must go through this. I must push until I can't push anymore. I know it's not going to be easy and there are going to be nights when I am tempted to call and express my feelings of uncertainty. In those times, I will remember when the times before when I did such things and they turned out to be nothing but emotionally filled conversations that literally stop when the phone hangs up. I thank God for those days to remind me that I am destined to be someone divinely favored in such a way that my love for Him will reach out and touch even you who stole what I had to give.

So those pieces of me you have..you can keep. I want you to hold them for me so when I come back and you try to speak to that girl you knew, I can be reminded of what I knew and tap into what I know. If He brought me to it..He will bring me through it this I am certain of.

Peace Reese...